Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

There is scarcely anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little more cheaply. The person who buys on price alone is this man’s lawful prey.

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people.

Journalism largely consists of saying ‘Lord Jones is Dead’ to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.

In the modern techno-industrial culture, it is possible to proceed from infancy into senility without ever knowing manhood.