The Pandemic Soul

“God Bless Me, It’s a Best-Seller!” is an article written by Christopher Hitchens, author of the best-selling God Is Not Great, about his book tour. I was pleasantly surprised to see that his first stop was Little Rock, Arkansas, my old stomping-ground until just a few months ago. I was even more surprised to see him mention a billboard that I used to pass on a daily basis.

For the last six months of my time in Arkansas, I was living at my dad’s house, in England, Arkansas, which is about thirty minutes east of Little Rock. To get to my job in West Little Rock, I had to drive about 25 minutes to get to the vicinity of the airport, and then another 10-15 minutes to get through the city and to the office. After leaving the Airport, if you head west on 440, you’ll get to the massive junction of I-30, 440 and 530. If you head north/east on 30, you’ll drive past downtown Little Rock. Right before hitting down town, and right before hitting 630, which bisects the city, there is a half-sized, but still sadly conspicuous billboard. Sitting on the right side of the road, it is highly visible to the thousands of cars traveling up this portion of I-30 every day, and as Hitchens mentions, seems to be the quintessential Bible-belt scene. In letters at least 12 feet tall, the one word on the billboard is “JESUS.”

The first time I saw it, I almost laughed out loud, for the simple fact that I have an internal monologue that likes to talk in funny voices. My friend Allie caught on to this while we were reading the LOLCatz site, ICanHasCheeseburger a few days ago. While she struggled to read the shortened txt-type messages, I tend to hear the voices of the cats in my head, speaking in terse or Gollum-like accents. And it was as such the first time, and every time thereafter that I saw the JESUS billboard, which seemed to be screaming at me more than it was encouraging me. “JESUS!” it seemed to imply, as if someone had just snuck up on the billboard from behind and shown it their willy. “JESUS!” it shouted, from the side of the road, “IT’S A LION, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” But never, “JESUS IS GREAT!” or “JESUS SAVES LIVES!” I’m not sure what that means about the success of the sign’s message, but it certainly has stuck in my head.

JESUS wants you to read Christopher Hitchens’ article about his book tour.