The Pandemic Soul

Once again, I’m underwhelmed by celebrities who make half-hearted attempts at showing the GLB community how open-minded they are without actually doing anything about it. The newest incident comes from J. K. Rowling, as she outs Dumbledore as gay.

If you’re not a Harry Potter fan, first off, why not — I am. I’m not going to lie about it, and I don’t want anyone to think I’m writing this because I hate the books. I loved them. But second, you probably don’t know who these people are, so here’s some background. Dumbledore is the headmaster of the school of magic which Harry Potter attends. Everyone loves this character, because he’s good, wise, etc. In the book, we learn of a “close friend” who was almost an equal in magic skills to the nearly impervious Dumbledore. Eventually, the big D has to kill this “close friend” because he ends up being a nutjob. Whatev.

So, in the book, there’s absolutely no mention of Dumbledor’s sexuality. Not an inkling. All we know is that him and the friend he ends up having to kill were very close, and schemed for a long time to take over the world together. Here’s the thing, though: I’m gay, as we all know. And basically, I think every guy I meet is gay. I kinda even thought that the actor in the movies portrayed Dumbledore as a little femmy. But it never even crossed my mind that this character was actually gay.

Now Rowling tells us he is. Woohoo and shit. Why did she even bother? What the fuck difference does it make, now that everyone has bought and read the books to their kids and long since shelved them in favor of the fall lineup?

If Rowling really gave a shit, she would have at least made a half-hearted attempt at writing this into the book. She obviously thought that everyone else’s relationships were worth talking about — nearly every major character besides Dumbledore either:

• developed a relationship (Harry, Hermione, Ron, Cho, etc.);
• already had a relationship (Weasly parents, eldest Weasly brother, Harry’s parents, etc.);
• defined their sexuality clearly (Fred and George, etc.);
• or clearly had a crush on another character (Snape).

The only noticeable exclusions are a few of the teachers, like McGonagall. But, on the other hand, none of the professors besides Dumbledore had their history deeply explained. In Dumbledore’s case, we learned a great deal about his past and the numerous relationships with friends and family. Yet never once did Rowling drop an actual, bona-fide hint that he had queer inclinations.

Thus, I again wonder: why bother? Just because it’s safe? You’ve made more money than you could possibly know what to do with, and even if the last two movies lose gobs of money you don’t give a shit? Brave, sister. Real brave. Thanks for all your support.

Here’s a message to all you celebs out there: talk is cheap. If you really care about GLB issues, and if you really want to make a difference, don’t go around talking about how you’re not going to get married until gay people can (I’m talking to you Branjelina), and don’t retro-actively re-write history. Instead, spend some of that cold hard cash on GLB lobbying. Support GLB rights and equality in the heartland and abroad, in countries where GLB people are killed for their sexual orientation. Quit talking out of both sides of your mouth while you support the heterosexual establishment and give lip-service to GLB issues.