The Pandemic Soul

AskMen.com has an article on “how to be a gentleman.” I took a read over it, and I am wondering who this was written for — my grandfather?

I don’t want to sound like I’m picking-and-choosing what’s gentlemanly or not. Certainly, everything item on their list is an action I would consider something a gentleman would do. But this is a website, catering to men 25-45. I think it’s time to update the rules a little bit.

Everything on the first page “general etiquette” is great. Someone needs to put their foot down on the spitting thing. Where the hell did this disgusting habit get started? Especially for men who don’t chew snuff? It’s disgusting, and by being disgusting it’s subsequently rude.

But then we get to the second page, and this is where we start flashing-back to 1945. “Remove your hat indoors”? Has the author this article ever worn a ball cap? For those of us who don’t shave our heads, you can’t remove your hat once you’ve put it on. Your hair looks a mess, and I daresay it’d cause more panic among your companions to have your hair all askew just for the sake of not wearing a hat while eating.

Howabout this gem?:

Wait for seating before eating
When sitting down for a meal, you should wait until all the guests are properly seated and ready to commence the meal before eating. Everyone should start dining at the same time; this is a subtle but very important rule.

This just isn’t practical in most cases anymore. If you have a group attending a formal dinner, then yes of course you’re all going to be together before you begin eating. But what about in more informal situations? Are you really going to wait for someone who said they may-or-may-not be attending? Or for the person who’s running late from work and might be 10 minutes or another hour? No, in today’s world there is the common understanding that you begin when you are ready. Everyone else, should they choose to show up outside of the established meeting time, is on their own.

Here’s one of my favorites:

Help with her seat
If an unaccompanied lady is sitting next to you, it is important that you help her be seated by pulling her chair out for her and gently pushing it back into place, with the lady seated of course.

I’ve always thought that this was one of the most awkward rules of etiquette, even when seen in movies. Fact being that you’re not really doing anything. To really “help” a woman with her chair, you’d have to seriously put your knee into it to hoist the thing into place. Anyone else who’s not putting their whole body into this process is just pretending. And if that’s the case, what’s the point? Can you imagine doing this at the local Tex-Mex restaurant?

Here’s my last one:

Stand at attention
Always stand when a lady enters or exits the room. This rule has been somewhat relaxed, so you can stand upon entrance but remain seated upon exit. Nonetheless, if you can do both, you should.

Unless it’s your grandmother, don’t do it. I think women in today’s world would just be embarrassed to have a table full of men standing up if she were to enter the room. Not to mention the racket that would be made every time someone entered or left. Maybe the restaurants or dining rooms of yesteryear were somehow equipped properly with easy-sliding chairs so that there wasn’t such a din of noise when people stood or sat, but these days I can’t imagine how foolish a man would look if he were trying to adhere to this rule.

Bottom line being that decency is pretty much common sense. I’m not a pessimist at heart, but chivalry is dead. One can be a gentleman by being kind at the right moments, even if he doesn’t feel the need to coddle the women in his company like small children.