The Pandemic Soul

Nothing annoys me more than hearing a straight person say, “that’s so gay.” Erm, ok, that’s a lie. A lot of things annoy me more. But this one really does annoy the hell out of me.

And yes, there is a double-standard here. Gay people can say derogatory things about themselves in an effort to reclaim words — we can call ourselves fags, you [straight people] can’t.

For those of you who are clueless about why this is a problem, let me break it down for you. Let’s use the example of Google, as in “Google is so gay!”

In saying this, you’re meaning to say “Google sucks!” or “I don’t like Google!”, yes? So you’re making the point that Google is less-than-desirable. I understand that when you say it, you’re not immediately associating “gay” with “homosexual.” But that’s completely besides the point, because the word “gay” in modern culture has a primary meaning of “homosexual.” Even if you aren’t trying to make that reference, that is the reference that’s created.

Let’s try a little exercise to demonstrate this. Instead of saying “Google is so gay!”, let’s instead try it with “Google is so black!” What do you think a group of African-Americans would do if you said this in their presence? Smile, slap their knees and move on with their conversations? Doubtful. Why? Because in our culture, the word “black” has the connotation of referring to people of African descent.

Howabout this one: would you say to an African-American person, “that’s very white of you!” What’s the connotation of that word? “Upstanding,” “civilized,” “good” in this context? You may not mean it in a way that is trying to be hurtful to an African-American person, but by saying such a thing, you are effectively discounting their race.

Point being: there is no “politically correct” or “non-offensive” way to say that something is “so gay.” By using the word gay in this way, you instill the smallest seed of bigotry in someone’s brain by making the connection between “gay” and “bad.” No, saying it once is not going to make someone a bigot. But this is one small brick in the wall of discrimination. Language is very important to us, and effects our thought patterns in ways we don’t recognize.

Moreover, I wish to make the point that simply because you have gay friends does not make it ok for you to say such things. Having gay friends does not give you “gay-cred.” It does not write you off as one of us. Just as when you have African-American friends, you don’t have the right to walk up and call them any of the slang words that they may use to describe each other. Doing so is offensive, and hurtful.

Finally: I am not “over reacting” about this issue, any more than you would “over react” if I put a flaming bag of dog shit on your mother’s porch. “It’s easy to clean up!” I might argue. “No one actually got hurt!” I might argue. Does either of those excuses make it right? Is it ok for me to do things which cause others inconvenience, or hurt their feelings, because I think it’s not a big issue? Ask yourself those same questions the next time you start using words in a derogatory way.