The Pandemic Soul

So yesterday (as in Sunday), I decided to go and do my laundry at the laundromat, because I haven’t washed my bed comforter in, like, forever. It was beginning to get funky. Conveniently, I did not have a stitch of clothing to wear to work today, either, so I figured now would be a good time to do every piece of laundry I own.

I loaded up everything into my car, which is always a huge pain-in-the-ass since I have to lug it down the elevator and to my car in the parking lot, but whatever about that. On my way to “Funwash,” I realize “Shit, I’m a dumbass, I forgot my detergent.” Being more willing to spend my non-existant money than go back to my apartment, I decided to stop at Harvest Foods and get some detergent and drier sheets. (Note, though, that a big reason why I didn’t go back to my apt. was to avoid having to see my dog again. I had him in his little fency thing, and I didn’t want to get his hopes up that I was home when I really wasn’t.)

Those of you from Arkansas know that Harvest Foods is a total rip, because they charge way more than everything is. So, for the smallest thing of detergent with the smallest package of drier sheets, it was around $10. Ok, I rationalize, because I can use the detergent later.

I head to Funwash, and am much chagrined to find that there are people there. I was really hoping I’d be the only schmuck there, but no such luck.

Here’s where it gets good.

So I’m pleasantly surprised to find that they take credit cards. Unpleasantly, however, you have to buy one of their dumbass cards for the machines. It’s $5 and you get $3 credit automatically. I added $20 to the card, thinking that I can use whatever is left over later.

I proceed to the largest machine they have, which is $5 a load. No problem, because I’m putting my comforter in there. I open the door and slip in my card. The machine flashes my new balance $5 down. Now, I need to make note that in situations where other people are present who clearly know how “the system” works, I tend to get very nervous and make rash decisions. I hate looking like a fool, just like anyone, but get insanely paranoid that everyone is staring at me wondering why I’m such a moron that I can’t get the machines to work.

That said, I keep pushing the load button I want, and the thing isn’t accepting it. Confused, I slip my card into the next machine over, another $5 a load one. The machine tells me I’m another $5 down. SAY WHAT, BITCH?! I’m completely confused, because I’m thinking that the first machine surely can’t have deducted the money yet if I haven’t started it!

Now I’m totally jacked up and sweating, so I just load my comforter in the first machine and close the door. THEN it lets me chose a load. D’oh!

Unthinkingly, I decide that perhaps if I let the second machine sit for a while, it’ll credit me back my money and act like it’s ready to go. (The card slot display is reading “Busy,” like it’s waiting for me to load up.) In the mean time, I start FOUR other loads of laundry in the other machines — towels, whites, greens/grays, and reds. I’m pissed to find that each wash is $1.75, which is WAY more expensive than I thought it would be. I thought it was expensive here at my apt, and it’s $0.75 a load to wash or dry, so I thought it would be cheaper at the laundromat.

Not. So. Much.

Now thinking I’m totally ripped off, I put my last load into the $5 washer (blues), which still was waiting for me to load up. If I had just thought for a moment, I would have put EVERYTHING except my whites into the $5 and cut my losses. So much for that.

So I wash up. (Total cost so far: $9.75, detergent and dryer sheets + $10, large washers + $7, small washers + $2 card = $28.75)

Then, to dry, it’s $0.30 per 8 minutes. I do four dryers at 32 minutes a piece. Total = $4.80.

GRAND FREAKING TOTAL = $33.55

Not so FUN afterall, FUNWASH!